


god's menu (whatever you want, we'll serve)

by zhanawriting



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Bang Chan is a Good Hyung, Chatting & Messaging, Established Relationship, Everyone Loves Yang Jeongin | I.N, Fluff and Crack, Hwang Hyunjin is a Little Shit, Kim Seungmin is So Done, Lee Minho | Lee Know is a Confident Gay, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Polyamorous Stray Kids Ensemble, Polyamory, Seo Changbin is a Good Hyung, Soft Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:21:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28831875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zhanawriting/pseuds/zhanawriting
Summary: purr-fect: i’m beginning to understand your attraction towards hyunjin nowvodka aunt: nOw ????gen z: friendly reminder you’ve also been dating him for two yearspurr-fect: never said i liked him did igen z: understandable have a nice dayor, stray kids in a poly relationship. what could go wrong?
Relationships: Bang Chan/Everyone, Bang Chan/Han Jisung | Han/Seo Changbin, Bang Chan/Han Jisung/Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin/Lee Felix/Lee Minho/Seo Changbin/Yang Jeongin, Bang Chan/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Han Jisung | Han/Everyone, Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin/Everyone, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin, Kim Seungmin/Everyone, Kim Seungmin/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Lee Felix (Stray Kids)/Everyone, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin, Lee Minho | Lee Know/Everyone, Seo Changbin/Everyone, Yang Jeongin | I.N/Everyone
Comments: 9
Kudos: 111





	1. new phone who dis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bang Chan creates a new group chat. It goes as well as one would expect it to go.

**_Bang Chan_ ** _added_ **_Felix_ ** _,_ **_Jisung_ ** _and 5 others to_ **_Stray Kids_ **

**Bang Chan** : thought it would be important for us to have a group chat for emergencies

**_Changbin_ ** _changed their username to_ **_maaatryskkkrt_ **

maaatryskkkrt: can’t believe you saved me with my full name. how cold is that

Bang Chan: how does changing your name in maaatryskkkrt classifies as an emergency

maaatryskkkrt: oh shit u right, it’s not an emergency i apologize

Bang Chan: thank you

maaatryskkkrt: it’s a national crisis

Jisung: truly unacceptable 

Felix: i second that

Hyunjin: i third that 

Bang Chan: i hate this group

Lee Know: _@Bang Chan_ may i have mod privileges

Seungmin: suspicious

Hyunjin: oooh, i want that too!

Lee Know: shut up jinnie, the adults are talking

Hyunjin: :(

Bang Chan: .. why?

Lee Know: as the 2nd eldest of this group, i believe i need to supervise the kids when you’re not here to do it yourself

Seungmin: sounds fake

Lee Know: stfu you’re my least fav child

Seungmin: thank god

**_Bang Chan_ ** _has given mod privileges to_ **_Lee Know_ **

Jeongin: i don’t see this ending well

Jisung: that’s because you’re like, blind

Jeongin: when did i ask for your opinion

Hyunjin: don’t stress out the baby 

Jisung: stfu i’m not stressing him out

Jisung: i’m bullying him

Jeongin: fuck off who did u just call a baby

Seungmin: only you can manage to anger two different people with only one sentence

Felix: a talented man

Hyunjin: i regret everything

Seungmin: i’m sure you do

maaatryskkkrt: ok but where did minho go

Seungmin: hell

Seungmin: my bad, that’s where he crawled up from

Jisung: damn son

Jisung: who pissed in your cereal

Seungmin: minho hyung

Jeongin: savage

**_Lee Know_ ** _has changed the group chat name into_ **_(not) straight kids_ **

Jisung: love it

Felix: where’s the lie tho

Bang Chan: … 

Bang Chan: disappointed but not surprised

**_Bang Chan_ ** _has changed the group chat name into_ **_Stray Kids (and Minho)_ **

Felix: you say that as if he’s not part of the fam

**_Lee Know_ ** _has changed the group chat name into_ **_That Gay Group_ **

Hyunjin: he ain’t wrong

Jisung: this is getting better and better

**_Bang Chan_ ** _has changed the group chat name into_ **_and they were roomates_ **

**_Lee Know_ ** _has changed the group chat name into_ **_we all like cock_ **

Bang Chan: language!

**_Lee Know_ ** _has changed the group chat name into_ **_we all like cock(roaches)_ **

Jeongin: how’s that any better

**_Bang Chan_ ** _has changed the group chat name into_ **_i’m suffering here_ **

Lee Know: sounds like a you problem

Lee Know: :)

**_Lee Know_ ** _has changed the group chat name into_ **_dicks squad_ **

**_Lee Know_ ** _has removed_ **_Bang Chan’s_ ** _mod privileges_

Bang Chan: fuck

maaatryoskkkrt: LaNgUaGe

Lee Know: welcome to hell children

Jisung: fuck yEAH

Hyunjin: mom pick me up, i’m scared

Jeongin: there are two kind of people

**_Lee Know_ ** _has changed their name in_ **_purr-fect_ **

**_purr-fect_ ** _has changed_ **_Felix_ ** _’s name in_ **_brownie lord_ **

brownie lord: yesssss! 

**_purr-fect_ ** _has changed_ **_Jisung’_ ** _s name in_ **_gen z_ **

gen z: lit

**_purr-fect_ ** _has changed_ **_Hyunjin_ ** _’s name in_ **_vodka aunt_ **

vodka aunt: i’ll take it

**_purr-fect_ ** _has changed_ **_Jeongin_ ** _’s name in_ **_baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du_ **

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: hyung

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: i had faith in you

Bang Chan: so did i

Bang Chan: and look where it got us

**_purr-fect_ ** _has changed_ **_Seungmin_ ** ’s _name in_ **_ain’t no hubby_ **

ain’t no hubby: i have no words to describe the level of pettiness you just reached

**_purr-fect_ ** _has changed_ **_Bang Chan_ ** ’s _name in_ **_(re)tired mom_ **

(re)tired mom: i thought you were the woman in this relationship

purr-fect: you thought wrong

brownie lord: now I can’t look at chan hyung knowing he’s the mom of the group 

ain’t no hubby: that’s because in your head he’s daddy

brownie lord: can’t deny that

gen z: kinky

vodka aunt: don’t act like the pure one now, i heard you calling him sir last night

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: gasp

gen z: excuse you, were u spying on us

vodka aunt: it’s not spying if i have ears and you scream like a goat

maaatryoskkkrt: we do have thin walls

gen z: still, it was a private moment between me and hyung!

ain’t no hubby: you do realize there’s no such thing when you’re in a poly relationship, right?

gen z: sometimes i forget why i like you

purr-fect: suck it up baby

gen z: oh trust me, i did suck it 

gen z: :)))

ain’t no hubby: nasty

purr-fect: this is why jisung is my favorite and you aren’t

ain’t no hubby: see if i care

brownie lord: you’re both so cute when you flirt

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: gagging

gen z: did that too

gen z: :)))

ain't no hubby: disgusting

(re)tired mom: i apologize if you guys were bothered by the noises last night. next time we’ll try to keep it down

vodka aunt: oh god, please don’t

(re)tired mom: ?? 

vodka aunt: it was hot

(re)tired mom: ..

maaatryoskkkrt: of course you’re into that 

brownie lord: why am i not surprised?

purr-fect: i’m beginning to understand your attraction towards hyunjin now

vodka aunt: nOw ???? 

gen z: friendly reminder you’ve also been dating him for two years

purr-fect: never said i liked him did i

gen z: understandable have a nice day

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: y’all need jesus

ain’t no hubby: shut up fetus

vodka aunt: shook

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: you shut up, you poor excuse of a nerdy kdrama male lead

vodka aunt: double shook

brownie lord: sweet baby jesus 

maaatryoskkkrt: wait what’s happening i was peeing

brownie lord: didn’t need to know that

gen z: maknaes are roasting each other

maaatryoskkkrt: oh, nothing new

(re)tired mom: i see someone has been spending some quality time with minho

purr-fect: and what about it

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: i’d like to see you try and avoid someone you live with 24/7

purr-fect: you tell him babe

(re)tired mom: not what i meant but fine, i’ll shut up

purr-fect: don’t sulk now

(re)tired mom: i’m not sulking

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: you’re definitely sulking hyung

(re)tired mom: am not

brownie lord: just entered the kitchen and i saw chan hyung, staring into his mug

brownie lord: sulking

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: called it

(re)tired mom: lix :(

brownie lord: sorry hun, don’t take it personal you know i love you

brownie lord: but i love jeongin more

(re)tire mom: that's fair

purr-fect: wow, i relate to that

vodka aunt: me too

maaatryoskkkrt: totally

gen z: add me in

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: aww ily too

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: wait

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: _@ain’t no hubby_ ??

ain’t no hubby: … i guess

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: wow rude 

ain’t no hubby: s i g h

maaatryoskkkrt: lol seungminnie is suffering

ain't no hubby: oh please I beg you, don't sound too happy about it

brownie lord: that's because he probably is enjoying it

gen z: definitely

maaatryoskkkrt: not my fault he's cute when he sulks

purr-fect: seungmin go join chan hyung in the kitchen then, you can be moody together

vodka aunt: lol Sulking Bros

gen z: Petty Pouting Duo

vodka aunt: Sad Souls Time

gen z: I Never Ask To Suffer But I Always Do 

(re)tired mom: ..

ain't no hubby: ..

brownie lord: that's so them

* * *

**_puur-fect_ **

ain't no hubby: tame your boyfriends or I swear I'll break their necks

purr-fect: why do they suddenly become MY boyfriends when they act like little shits

ain't no hubby: oh I don't know, they must have been picking that up from you

purr-fect: are u perhaps calling me a little shit?

ain't no hubby: yes.

purr-fect: ..

purr-fect: god i love you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone :) this is my first work in this fandom, so forgive me if the boys seem a lil ooc. I'm trying my best lol  
> thank you for giving it a chance <3


	2. one morning. one peaceful morning is all i ask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> purr-fect: impressive
> 
> purr-fect: like chan’s dick
> 
> purr-fect: *wink wink*
> 
> (re)tired mom: one peaceful morning. it’s all i ask
> 
> purr-fect: request denied

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (re)tired mom - Bang Chan  
> purr-fect - Minho  
> maaatryoskkkrt - Changbin  
> vodka aunt - Hyunjin  
> gen z - Jisung  
> brownie lord - Felix  
> ain’t no hubby - Seungmin  
> baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du - Jeongin

_dicks squad_

(re)tired mom: hello boys

brownie lord: morning <3

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: hi hyungs

gen z: good morning!

vodka aunt: morning :)

purr-fect: shut up brats

(re)tired mom : ..

ain’t no hubby : you can feel the love in one, simple sentence

purr-fect : dont sass me child

ain’t no hubby : or what? you gonna spank me?

purr-fect: no, you’d enjoy that

ain’t no hubby: do i look like jisung to you

gen z: what did i do now

brownie lord: i didn’t know that hannie was into spanking

gen z: that’s because i’m not

maaatryoskkkrt: you are tho

vodka aunt: he is?

gen z: i am?!

maaatryoskkkrt: remember that one time we were recording in the states and you couldn’t get the high note right so chan hyung slapped your ass real hard and you got a boner

gen z: oh

gen z: you’re right, i am

brownie lord: that’s a cute story

vodka aunt: truly remarkable

purr-fect: did he hit that note in the end?

maaatryoskkkrt: he did

purr-fect: impressive

purr-fect: like chan’s dick

purr-fect: *wink wink*

(re)tired mom: one peaceful morning. it’s all i ask

purr-fect: request denied

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: ok but the real question is, how did minnie know that 

maaatryoskkkrt: that, i don’t know

vodka aunt: _@ain’t no hubby_ please explain

ain’t no hubby: i’m just observant

gen z: dude even i didn’t know i was into that

gen z: how could you

gen z: ??

ain’t no hubby: as i said, i’m very observant

* * *

_gen z_

vodka aunt: babe

vodka aunt: spell true love

gen z: minho’s ass

vodka aunt: damn right

* * *

_dicks squad_

maaatryoskkkrt: breaking news, chan hyung is back being the dad of the fam

brownie lord: ?

maaatryoskkkrt: he threw the ultimate dad joke

ain’t no hubby: now i’m curious

ain’t no hubby: what happened

maaatryoskkkrt: jisung stubbed his toe and screamed “mOTHERFUCKER” and then chan hyung poked his head out of the studio and went “you called?”

gen z: it was worth the pain

ain’t no hubby: LOL

vodka aunt: g o l d e n

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: wish i witnessed it happening

(re)tired mom: … 

(re)tired mom: binnie

maaatryoskkkrt: yes daddy

(re)tired mom: you promised you wouldn’t tell them

maaatryoskkkrt: whooooops 

maaatryoskkkrt: my bad

maaatryoskkkrt: didn’t mean to, it just slipped out of my mouth 

(re)tired mom: we’re texting

maaatryoskkkrt: out of my thumb, then

(re)tired mom: that doesn’t even make sense

maaatryoskkkrt: calling you motherfucker doesn’t make sense either since you’re gay, and yet here we are

(re)tired mom: i’m not gay

ain’t no hubby: are y’all seeing this shit or is it just me

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: i am, but i wish i wasn’t

brownie lord: relatable

purr-fect: chan what the fuck

(re)tired mom: language!

purr-fect: *Chan, what the fuck

vodka aunt: pretty sure that’s grammar not language

purr-fect: not my problem then

purr-fect: whatcha mean you ain’t gay

purr-fect: you’re dating us

(re)tired mom: sometimes i regret i do

gen z: gasp

purr-fect: gasp

vodka aunt: gasp

brownie lord: gasp

ain’t no hubby: gasp

maaatryoskkkrt: gasp

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: gasp

(re)tired mom: not like that

gen z: ok good, he still loves us

vodka aunt: phew, almost shitted myself for a second here

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: drama queen

(re)tired mom: i’m not gay, i’m pan

brownie lord: hi pan, i’m felix

maaatryoskkkrt: i thought you were daddy

(re)tired mom: i’m blocking you both

brownie lord: :(

maaatryoskkkrt: i’m unfollowing you on ig

(re)tired mom: i’m unfollowing yOU on twitter

maaatryoskkkrt: i’m deleting your bday from my memo

(re)tired mom: you need a memo to remember my birthday?!

maaatryoskkkrt: i don’t even remember mine

ain’t no hubby: losers. I never forget a birthday

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: you forgot mine last year

ain’t no hubby: I didn’t

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: then why didn’t you wish me happy birthday T-T

ain’t no hubby: you insulted my dog the day before it

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: no I didn’t?

ain’t no hubby: you did.

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: did not.

ain’t no hubby: did too.

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: DID NOT

purr-fect: seungmin, you don’t even have a dog

ain’t no hubby: shut up cat lady

purr-fect: …

gen z: well damn

vodka aunt: screenshotted

* * *

_maaatryoskkkrt_

(re)tired mom: binnie

(re)tired mom: my dear

(re)tired mom: love of my life

(re)tired mom: you wouldn’t happen to know why is there a file named ‘not porn’ locked with a password that i clearly don’t know because it’s obviously not a file of mine on my laptop,

(re)tired mom: would you

_[seen at 11.27 am]_

(re)tired mom: coward

* * *

_dicks squad_

vodka aunt : gUYS HELP

vodka aunt : MAYDAY MAYDAY

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: what’s wrong hyung

vodka aunt : OMG ITS HAPPENING

(re)tired mom: ?

vodka aunt: MY WORST NIGHTMARE IS HERE

(re)tired mom: jinnie breathe pls you're scaring me

vodka aunt: IT GETS WORSE AND WORSE THE MORE I THINK ABOUT IT

(re)tired mom: OMG HYUNJIN WHAT’S WRONG??

vodka aunt: WE RUN OUT OF ICE CREAM

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: ..

(re)tired mom: _@purr-fect_ it’s your turn to deal with this shit

purr-fect: ffs

vodka aunt: I CAN ALREADY FEEL MY BODY WEAKENING

vodka aunt: MAYBE I’M DYING

vodka aunt: WHY ME

maaatryoskkkrt: lol

vodka aunt: TELL KKAMI I LOVED HIM

vodka aunt: GOODBYE MY LOVERS

gen z: such a drama queen

purr-fect: I didn’t spend years collecting your dirty laundry for you to be like this

gen z: ew hyung

purr-fect: not my fault you guys are fucking filthy

ain’t no hubby: remember when we were all talking about something

purr-fect: don’t sass me child

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: hyung

purr-fect: yes darling?

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: I think hyunjin is crying in front of the fridge

gen z: lol

* * *

_vodka aunt_

purr-fect: stop crying

vodka aunt: HOW

vodka aunt: MY WHOLE WORLD IS CRUMBLING

purr-fect: I'm going out

vodka aunt: HOW IS THIS SUPPOSED TO HELP

purr-fect: because I'm going grocery shopping

purr-fect: and I’ll buy ice cream.

vodka aunt: oh.

vodka aunt: have I ever told you you’re the best?

purr-fect: sounds fake but ok

* * *

_dicks squad_

vodka aunt: life is beautiful again

brownie lord: ?

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: he got his ice cream back

brownie lord: ah. makes sense then

purr-fect: you don’t need to thank me

vodka aunt: wasn’t going to

purr-fect: YOU LITTLE PUNK

ain’t no hubby: why are you insulting yourself 

gen z: ohH MINNIE

maaatryoskkkrt: BUUUURN

(re)tired mom: oh god.

purr-fect: you’re my least favorite child

ain’t no hubby: ouch.

purr-fect: you’re dead to me, Kim Seungmin

ain’t no hubby: how am I gonna survive now

purr-fect: STOP SASSING ME

ain’t no hubby: yes honey

gen z: omg I’m cRYING

vodka aunt: my ice cream is crying for me

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: I bet minho hyung is crying too

purr-fect: IM BREAKING UP WITH EACH ONE OF YOU LITTLE SHITS

ain’t no hubby: geez, your period came earlier this month.

purr-fect: ONE MORE WORD AND I’M BREAKING YOUR NECK SEUFMIN

baby shark ddu-du-ddu-du: seufmin

brownie lord: seufmin

gen z: seufmin

maaatryoskkkrt: seufmin

ain’t no hubby: ok but seufmin, i had sex with you don’t forget my name

purr-fect: THAT’S IT

purr-fect: YOU’RE DEAD

vodka aunt: *grabs popcorn*

(re)tired mom: one morning. one peaceful morning is all i ask

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> didn’t think i would be able to update so quickly but here i am! well done me.  
> a huuuuge thanks to those lovely people who took their time to leave a comment, you guys made my day <3  
> hope you enjoyed this chapter! cya~


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